Friday, June 29, 2007

String Theory This 'Ain't

...Sometimes when you are experimenting with hydrochloric acid and tree frogs, things go terribly wrong. Case in point this morning. I will save you the details, other than to say that I hope my garbage man doesn't read this post, as my garbage can is chock full of frog slurry (and not mutant pogo frogs as I had hoped). I guess I should have paid more attention in chemistry class.

..Speaking of lumber, sometimes when you are making stuff with boards, it doesn't turn out as you would like. I was trying to make this wicked tree fort the other day, and in the end, it just started looking like a giant spice rack. So, I bought a bunch of garbage cans and put them in my new huge tree spice rack. One has sand in it. One has gravel. Yet another has water, but it is leaking. My neighbors laugh at me, but when they 36 gallons of sand, who will be laughing then?

...I once told a kid that his cat had run away, when I knew full well that it was in my microwave. That stupid bastard wandered around the neighborhood yelling for fluffy for hours and days. Whenever he was near the house looking for the cat, it would scratch with renewed fervor in an effort to be noticed. But I would not let it out. Finally my desire to eat Spahgetti-o's trumped my desire to run a small cat prison.

...I wonder if Paul Harvey ever gets tired of knowing the rest of the story. Just once I want to hear that old bastard say that he has no idea what became of the kid in Oklahoma who grew up dreaming of being a Vegas showgirl.

...The best part about going to baseball games is when the players accidentally drop their wallets when they are leaving the stadium. Whenever that happens, I drink top shelf booze until that wallet is empty. Then I return it and demand a reward. And then I drink top shelf booze again.

1 comment:

Slappy Internet said...

...sometimes I wonder what happens to people who don't have a 9-5 job to keep themselves in some kind of routine. I wonder if they think about being cruel to animals and then obsess about when the next opportunity might arise to act out on their sick fantasies.

If I ever run in to your garbage man I'm going to tell him about the unpleasantness at the golf course a few years back to let him know that this isn't a phase you're going through.